If we were having coffee I would tell you that I’d finally succumbed to the retro fashion faux pas I vowed I never would. Yes, I have a pair of leg warmers…
Allow me to state for the record that it was a necessity that drove me to purchase these bright pink pieces of ‘no man’s land’ clothing. My right ankle is cold. Strangely cold. Cold and painful.
Initially, I believed that I was simply experiencing a continual draft (springtime in England isn’t exactly cosy…) but when I discovered that said draft had the magical properties of moving straight through a heated pillow, I realised that the problem was probably internal.
The entire right side of my body seems to have been waging a war against itself for many, many years now: my right ovary grew not one but two endometriomas, my right kidney developed an angiomyolipoma (which had to be surgically removed, along a third of the organ itself), my right shoulder is essentially throwing the biggest Diva Strop ever – and my right ankle is the one that likes to subluxate while I’m sleeping. So, it really shouldn’t have come as any surprise to discover that my bone marrow had been replaced by ice cream.
After a few days of stuffing mini hand warmers into my socks, I decided that it would make more logical sense to try to prevent that weird cold from seeping in and causing the painful reaction in the first place. So that’s how I, for the first time since the eighties, ended up with an item of clothing that I am both too old and way too square to pull off.
But hey – whatever works, right?