(A Joyful) Weekend Coffee Share

If we were having coffee I would tell you that the cup needs to be a hell of a lot bigger! I had a proper night out for the first time in almost a year and realised that occasionally sacrificing comfort for fun is more than worth it.  Continue reading “(A Joyful) Weekend Coffee Share”

A Hidden Agenda?

I’ve detailed in the posts here and here how difficult it was to get someone to take my symptoms seriously. One of the most important aspects of that journey was how convinced the doctor was that I was suffering from some kind of anxiety – to the point of talking over me when I tried to protest. At the time, I just believed that he was making a huge assumption based upon one blood test. Nearly nine months down the line inconsistencies have surfaced that suggest something else may have been at play. Continue reading “A Hidden Agenda?”

3 People The Chronically Sick Always Meet

We’ve all met them. Those allies who, either deliberately or unconsciously, make you feel so much worse about yourself, about the way you choose to live, and how you deal with your own challenges. These are the people who, when you’re at your most vulnerable, make you feel selfish, ill-informed, and downright idiotic: and their attempts to ‘help’ you are about as beneficial as rubbing sand into your eyes.  Continue reading “3 People The Chronically Sick Always Meet”

A Fight Against Illness, Or A Battle For Wellness?

There is often a vast amount of war-related language utilised when we, generally, speak about illness – chronic or otherwise. We fight for cures, battle our symptoms and add the word ‘warrior’ as a form of a suffix to the nouns that describe that which ails us. So far, so understandable – living a life like Sisyphus is not easy. Sisyphus, however, had no choice. To refuse to push that boulder up the hill would have incurred the wrath of the Gods.  You may be thinking that illness isn’t a choice either – that is correct – but how we respond and deal with said illnesses, is. We can look at that giant rock and say “no, not today”.  So why is it that even in support communities that treating ourselves with the kindness we deserve often considered to be a sign of surrendering to disease? Continue reading “A Fight Against Illness, Or A Battle For Wellness?”

Better Living Through (Neuro) Chemistry

Fibromyalgia is a complicated and challenging syndrome, and living with it is something that I’m having to learn through a fair amount of trial and error.  There are things that I thought, for years, were my body’s own ‘quirks’, that turned out to be quite well-known symptoms; but, simultaneously, it appears that every sufferer is a unique case.  This poses a very obvious problem for patients, who will have to learn what their bodies are doing, and why they’re doing it: but it also poses a problem for physicians as a treatment that’s good for the Goose could actually be disastrous for the Gander.  Initially, I believed this was why, after my initial diagnosis, I was immediately discharged from the Rheumatology clinic and left to my own devices.  (I wasn’t exactly thrown to the wolves; I was put on a waiting list for a pain clinic assessment at the end of last year, but there’s no guarantee that they will accept me as a patient.)  On the other hand, being left in treatment limbo may have less to do with the clinician who diagnosed me and more to do with the findings of more and more research.  Rheumatology is a muscular-skeletal and autoimmune speciality, but a vast amount of evidence suggests that Fibromyalgia is a neurological condition: it really is all in our heads, but not in the way some overly dismissive people would have us believe.  And, most importantly, it gives me a finer explanation as to why watching Ice Hockey sends me into temporary remission.  Allow me to expand a little on that last sentence…

Continue reading “Better Living Through (Neuro) Chemistry”

Don’t Agitate The Bomb!

Interpersonal relationships can be difficult enough to navigate, at the best of times; add intimacy into the mix and it becomes rather like placing tiny bits of foil into a microwave oven – you know that the volatility will become evident, but whether the appliance will survive the onslaught is anybody’s guess.  In that light, adding an illness, or serious accident to those tiny metallic flames can be like finding an unexploded bomb in your basement: everyone was getting along fine in ignorance of its presence, but now its visible and the existential threat is very real.  You can tiptoe around it, you can diffuse it, you can even try to ignore it – but the one thing you cannot, and should not do is agitate it.   Continue reading “Don’t Agitate The Bomb!”

What I Lost In The Fire

There are two exhibitions coming up that I really want to see.  Both of them are in London museums, and are easily reachable by public transport.  The logistics of planning such an innocuous day out should be straightforward: it’s currently more akin to planning an overseas trip for ten people who barely know each other.  Going on the weekend will guarantee me a chaperone, but it will also increase, tenfold, the number of moving obstacles that my dystaxia will have to deal with.  Choosing a quiet midweek slot will reduce the physical exertion (movements won’t have to be so controlled: more places to sit and rest) but I’ll be less likely to secure the company of someone who can help me if, or when, my body starts to shut down.  I’ve finally realised that this is my new reality.  Denial has turned to grief. Continue reading “What I Lost In The Fire”

The Uphill Struggle For A Diagnosis Part 2

Read Part 1 here

I adore Rodney Mullen.  For those of you who don’t recognise the name, he is the Godfather of modern street skating. Pretty much all of those impossible looking tricks you see people doing (the ones that look like pure wizardry) were invented by him.  Now, I’m not a skateboarder myself, but at that particular time I was going through a Roller Derby ‘fresh meat’ training program (the Derby thing will get it’s own post in good time…) and I was finding that Mullen’s TED talk ‘On Getting Up Again’ was really helping me deal with getting used to hitting the floor so often.  At least, that’s what I told myself – in truth, I just really like hearing him talk. Continue reading “The Uphill Struggle For A Diagnosis Part 2”